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18 Aug

EPISODE 07: THE WALL – I HAVE A DREAM – by Eugeniusz S. Lazowski

INTERIOR – UPPER FLOOR OF THE BIG HOUSE – PRESIDENTIAL APARTMENT – NIGHT.

Our President’s dreaming, he’s a bit agitated. At first he seems to be smiling, he seems to be having fun, you can’t tell what he’s dreaming.

From his toupee starts a little cloud, like in the comics, which contains his thoughts… He is sitting at a big desk and is playing with Lego bricks.

Now you can see the whole desk. Super Dan is building a wall. On either side of it there are two small signs: Mexico and Mont of Groovia.

Finally, the last brick is stuck, the wall is finished. He starts jumping on the armchair banging his fists on the desk, like a happy child, making the toupee bounce on his big head.

INTERIOR – UPPER FLOOR OF THE BIG HOUSE – PRESIDENTIAL APARTMENT – FOLLOWING MORNING.

“Darling, you’re looking lively this morning,” observes the wife.

“Sure. God spoke to me tonight.” replies Super Dan seriously.

“I’m sorry?”

“I have a dream…” he insists fixing his shirt in front of the mirror.

Then he picks up the phone and calls his secretary.

“Jeane, call a cabinet meeting immediately. Urgent. Within an hour.”

The wife looks at him in awe.

“I have a dream… yes, I have a dream.” he keeps mumbling.

“Maybe it’s the toupee…” whispers the wife, “it must be too tight…”

“Darling, we are at a turning point, a momentous change for this country. History is being made here.”

“Have you decided to go on a diet?”

“Uh, no, what are you saying? I mean, I mean…”

“Ah, I meant well. It seemed too “epochal”…”

“No, please don’t interrupt me, I’m serious. I will change the fate of this country.”

Then he kisses his wife and comes out with a firm step.

“No, not the diet.” reflects the First Lady. “It would have been too good…”

INTERIOR – UPPER FLOOR OF THE BIG HOUSE – ROUND ROOM.

The staff, summoned in haste, are preparing for the Cabinet meeting.

“Do you know why we’ve been called urgently?” questions Bell.

“I don’t know, we weren’t scheduled to meet this morning,” answers Wright. “Blanco, do you know anything about this?”

“Nothing. I don’t know what our president’s up to.”

“To change the history of this country.” Super Dan replies entering at that moment.

Everyone turns towards him, who with a decisive step goes towards the table with a duffel bag resting on the ground.

“Are you going to resign?” asks Moore with a mocking grin.

“What?!?”

“Are you really going to start being President?” continues the Chief of Staff.

“Oh, stop it. I’m dead serious.”

“So do I, sir.”

“Excuse me, can we skip the pleasantries and cut to the chase?” Blanco interrupts. “Why are we here?”

“To change history.”

“He decided to go on a diet,” Moore mutters to Blanco.

“I didn’t go on a diet. And everybody stop this diet, but what is it, a mania?”

“Rude awakening, isn’t it?”

“Sorry,” Bell shyly asks, “but I still don’t know why we’ve been summoned.”

“You’ll know, if you stop interrupting me. I have decided to implement one of the promises I made to the people during the campaign.”

“Which one?” questions Moore. “You shot so many at the time!”

“Well, here’s Mr. President,” says Wright, “I think what Moore’s trying to say is that you said a lot of things during the campaign.”

“And one bigger than the other…” adds the Brit with a smile.

“Oh, stop it! I’ve only ever thought of one thing: the good of the country!”

“So he’s you’re really quitting?” says Moore.

“Moore, how dare you?” thunders General Byjove. “You’re talking to the President!”

“Exactly…”

“Please, let’s calm down and proceed in an orderly manner.” that’s Blanco’s prayer. “Mr. President, please explain.”

Super Dan takes a serious attitude, tightens his jaw as a real leader. That makes him look even more ridiculous…

“I have a dream. I have a dream.”

The President looks everyone in the eye in silence, very serious.

“Which one?” excited Blanco question.

“This one.”

Super Dan takes a pack of LEGO bricks out of the bag and places it on the table.

“Do you want to relaunch the toy industry?” Bell asks.

“Do you want to launch a new game on the market?” asks Wright.

“Do you want to to look bad in front of people another time?” Moore teases him.

“What are you talking about? I have no intention of launching a new game.”

“Exactly! What did you understand? “The President would never launch a new game on the market, not a traditional one, at least.” it’s pronounced Byjove. “He said he wants to change the destiny of this country. I bet it’s a new game, educational, forging the minds and spirits of children! With lots of small tanks, cannons and small guns. I’m in! President, you are a genius. You have my unconditional support!”

“They’re worse off than I thought” whispers Moore to Blanco.

“You’re right, things are just worse than we thought.”

“No, not the things, I was talking about the brains of those two…”

“General, thank you for your confidence in me, but…”

“Duty, Mr President, duty.And while we’re at it, what do you say we make military service mandatory again?”

“What about declaring war on Vietnam one more time?” Moore says sharply.

“Why not? Moore, I’m beginning to like you…” smiles the general.

“Excuse me,” says Wright, “but I have a feeling the president wanted to say something else.”

“Finally, someone who understands me.”

“He’d deserve the Nobel Prize just for that.” says Moore.

“I mean, what I was trying to say is…”

“Shall we reopen the Vietcong front?” asks Byjove hopefully.

“No.”

“Shall we make military service mandatory again?”

“No!”

“Then I don’t understand.”

“Get in line…” Moore says.

“Will you stop interrupting me?” complains the President. “Otherwise, you’re confusing me.”

“Well, that doesn’t take much.”

“Moore, silence!” reproaches Byjove. “The President was about to give birth to a brilliant idea, I can feel it!”

“Exactly. During the election campaign I made a promise to the people. And tonight God gave me a sign: I have a dream.”

Silence descends on the hall.

“Silence,” mutters the general, “is about to give birth…”

“This!” explains Super Dan taking the LEGO pack in his hands.

“You gave birth to this?!?” exclaims Byjove.

“Kill the gynecologist,” says Moore.

“The wall. We must build the wall.” says Super Dan. “The wall between us and Mexico. A long, beautiful wall. I dreamt about it last night.”

“Must change herbal tea.” Whispers Blanco.

“God told me to!”

“No, he has to change his brain.” Moore replies.

“Long, impassable, indestructible.”

“Mr. President, I’m having a hard time keeping up with you…” Bell says with the inhaler in his hand.

“Don’t get demoralized, Bell, nobody can.” reassures the Chief of Staff.

“The wall that will save our country from the slow invasion that’s been going on for years, a slow occupation of our homes and our jobs. That’s enough!”

“Enough!” answers in unison Byjove.

“This country belongs to its citizens, not foreign invaders who take everything that is ours.” chases Super Dan.

“That’s right, holy words!” Byjove supports him.

“It’s time to give the citizens back what is theirs!”

“Let’s shoot these beggars right out of their asses!” the general yells out with his saber drawn.

“Calm down, General. Nobody’s shooting anybody here.” Blanco comes in firmly.

“That’s right, General,” explains the President, “I got better things in mind than a war: a wall. I said so and I will.”

“With these cute little bricks?” Moore asks, pointing to the LEGO packaging.

“Of course not. These are a symbol.”

“A symbol!” echoes Byjove.

“I wouldn’t want to spoil this atmosphere of exaltation, gentlemen,” Bell addresses the two of them, “but I have two questions for you. American President Trump, our friend and ally, what will he think about? And where are you going to get the money to build this wall?”

“Actually, the costs could be astronomical,” Wright points out.

“Not to mention impossible to sustain.” Blanco agrees.

“Impossible is a word that doesn’t exist in a soldier’s vocabulary!” Byjove says. “We’ll get the money from somewhere. With all the nonsense that’s being financed!”

“Like what?” Wright asks.

“Like what? For a thousand cannons, shall we start with all those pacifist associations? A bunch of honorless cowards, that’s what they are!”

“Actually,” adds the President, “I wouldn’t forget the associations fighting for a ban on all weapons either.”

“Bolsheviks! Traitors to the homeland!”

“And where are we gonna put all those vegetarian groups?” goes Super Dan. “What about the vegans? The fruit people?”

“What about the Vulcans?” Moore gets in the way.

“That’s right, those too.” the general approves. “And the macrobiotics? What about the crudists?”

“What about the nudists?” Moore says.

“Not to mention all those clean energy research centers.” complains Super Dan.

“What a lot of money thrown away!” Byjove says shaking his head.

“Yes!” cries Moore. “Long live the atomic bomb!”

“And let’s not forget all the cultural associations and scholarships given out left and right!” the President continued undaunted.

“Useless nonsense!” says Byjove. “I bet they can’t even carry a rifle!”

“I’ve got an idea: let’s shoot them!” suggests sharp Moore.

“What about libraries? What the hell are all those books for?” asks Super Dan.

“Not to mention music conservatories!” says Byjove adding petrol to the fire.

“You’re right: Mozart and Shakespeare were two idiots.” comments Moore.

“Exactly!” shudders the general. “As you can see, we are spoilt for choice. We can raise all the funds the President needs.”

“Yeah, except for a brain…” is Moore’s bitter conclusion.

“No, I mean… what a burden!” the British reply to the President.

“You can say that again.” general Byjove is exalted. “It’s a heavy burden to bear, but our president doesn’t bow down to anything!”

“Yeah,” remembers Moore, “last time he did that he tweaked out his back!”

“I mean, stop it.” Blanco takes the word. “It looks like a chicken farmer, not a Cabinet council!”

“I’m going to guess who the turkey is…” mutters Moore.

“Moore, please,” begs Bell, “let’s try to get something out of this meeting.”

“Gentlemen,” insists the President, “we must surrender to the facts.”

“Surrender? Never!” cries Byjove.

“General, I meant to say we must build the wall.”

“See?” says Super Dan waving two sheets of letter. “The people are with me, the people are asking me!”

“Where did this idea come from?” question Blanco puzzled.

“He’d really put it on the election program. I checked it out.” Bell answers with a stack of papers.

“Yeah, but I thought it was just one of those “shot” things he said to get votes.”

“Shot?” wakes Byjove. “Who fired without my permission?”

“Lies, Blanco, are called lies.”

“Ah, well, in war and politics all is permitted,” replies the general.

“A man of shining morality…” Moore reflects in a low voice.

“Who’s the idiot who put it on the election program?” Blanco asks him quietly.

Moore doesn’t answer, turns around and looks at the President, who keeps waving the two letters around.

“He’s inundated with requests.” Moore says.

“A popular plebiscite” the Hispanic Secretary of State agrees.

Moore with a quick gesture grabs one of those letters and takes a quick look at it.

“Look, this is a letter from your cousin. There are also greetings at the end.”

“Well, why?” outrages Super Dan, “Isn’t my cousin part of the people?”

“Of course. And since you appointed him director of the railways, also of the Department of Infrastructure and Transport … Chuff! Chuff!”

“President of the state railroad?” wonders Wright. “Excuse me, Mr. President, but your cousin doesn’t even have a driver’s license.”

“What does that mean? He doesn’t have a license because he uses public transportation.”

“Like trains…” Moore chases, “…chuff! Chuff!”

“Yes, of course, like trains,” says the President, “that’s why he knows them so well.”

“Mr. President,” Bell protests, “travelling by train is not the same as knowing the complex problems of public transport.”

“Ah, stop it, you saw one train, you saw them all.”

“What an economic analysis…” reflects Moore, “even your colleague Donald Trump couldn’t have done better.”

“What do you want to know about trains, Bell?” Byjove intervenes in the president’s defense.

“Nothing, as a matter of fact, I’m not Ministry of Infrastructure and Transport .”

“Why,” Wright asks, “are you going by train too, General?”

“Me? May God strike me down! I’ve never set foot in such a tub before!”

“Excuse me, but how do you travel?”

“What a question… with an armored car!”

“I’m sorry, do you mean…”

“Of course! Will you compare an indestructible tank with a coal-powered coffee pot?”

“You can’t…” Bell says, holding onto his inhaler with both hands.

“Of course it’s possible. I even had it customized.”

“A floral fantasy on the side?” Moore makes fun of him.

“Don’t talk nonsense! I step on the flowers with my caterpillars!”

“I didn’t doubt it. What a poetic soul…”

“But General, what about nature?” says Wright growing more and more astonished.

“What the hell are you babbling about? Where did I happen to be, at a flower children’s gathering?”

“But yes,” suggests Moore with a grin, “let’s put a flower in the general’s cannon!”

“Moore, do you know where I’d put that flower?”

“Enough! Gentlemen, please!” raises her voice Blanco trying once again to restore calm. “Let’s talk about serious things.”

“Right. Beer and sausages for everyone!” Moore suddenly exclaims.

“I’m in!” cries Super Dan.

“Gone!” follows Byjove.

“Screwed…” says Moore smiling in front of the two blushing men.

“Er, Moore, what are you saying? A bit of demeanour!” he tries to get Super Dan back.

“Said Lord Brummel…”

“Let’s get back to the agenda, please!” Blanco tries again, exhausted. “Will this wall be built or not?”

“But what happened to the sausages?” asks the general disappointed.

“General, please.” Wright rebukes him.

“All right, all right… but not even a beer?”

“General!” raise your voice Blanco.

Knock on the door, Naive, the President’s secretary, comes in wiggling, squeezed into a tight suit.

“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but there are some papers you should sign, Mr. President.”

She approaches Super Dan and leans over to show some papers.

“You see, Mr. President? You should sign right here, see?”

The President with the toupee pretends to look at the documents, but his eyes are pointed at the secretary’s backside.

“I see, I see.”

“Don’t worry, Miss Jeane,” observes Moore, “our President has the sight of an eagle… like his wife’s.” he concludes, turning towards the door.

Super Dan jumps over the chair thinking his wife has come in and recomposes himself, reading the papers on the table.

“Yes, of course, I remember. Well, as soon as the meeting’s over, I’ll come and sign them. You can go now, thanks.”

Out of the corner of his eye he tries to look behind him, towards the door to see his wife, but there is no one there.

“No, wait a minute…” stammers Super Dan. Too late, the handsome secretary’s out.

“Gone.” Moore slyly murmurs.

“Moore, you are…”

“Impatient to make a decision about such a brilliant idea? Of course. General, don’t you also think we should continue this discussion so important for our country?”

“Absolutely, Moore’s right, let’s not get silly. Those papers can wait.

Bravo Moore, I had no idea you were such a patriot.”

“Not as much as our President. And he hasn’t seen his wife, how patriotic she is…”

“Really? I’m delighted, Mr. President. A companion worthy of a great commander!”

“Why don’t we cut funding from the Department of Infrastructure and Transport?” Moore proposes.

“Never!”

“Yes, those coal-fired coffee pots!” Byjove supports him.

“Will you forget the railroads and concentrate on my project? That’s what I dreamed about tonight.”

Super Dan pulls out of the duffel bag a large folded sheet, which turns out to be the map of Mont of Groovia and Mexico, with the border marked in red, which the President points.

“Here, right here.”

Then he opens the LEGO box and starts placing the bricks on the table. “One here, one here, another one here…”

“Bingo!” exclaims Moore. “Did I win anything?”

“A little respect,” asks Byjove, “the President is explaining the details of his project!”

“I thought he was playing with LEGO!” says Blanco.

“Blanco, don’t get into it. I’m explaining my vision. Tonight it has appeared to me in all its greatness.”

“One here, here, I’ll put another one here…” mumbles Byjove as he lays the bricks with Super Dan.

“What’s that, the box “Go to jail?” questions Moore.

“Moore, we’re not playing Monopoly,” swears impatient Super Dan, “we’re building the future of the country.”

“I thought… general… don’t you think there’s something missing?” asks Moore puzzled.

“Something? It seems to me that nothing is missing.”

“Everything looks fine to me too,” confirms Super Dan, “that’s what my dream was like.”

“And yet I would add something to it…general,” continues Moore, “don’t you think some small plastic tanks would look good behind the wall here? You know, you can never be too careful…”

“You say? Tanks? Of course! How could I not think of that before!”

“Here,” suggests the Chief of Staff, “look, let’s say the blue bricks are the tanks. Where would you put them?”

“By golly, I’d place them here, here and here. A couple down here and a whole row over here!”

“General,” asks Super Dan astonished., “what are you doing?!?”

Byjove is exalted now, just like Moore wanted him to be, no one can stop him.

“You forgot this part of the border, General.”

“For a thousand shotguns! It’s true! Wait, we’ll put these here…”

“I think things are spiralling out of control…” says Bell.

“What about the soldiers?” says Moore. “General, a leader like you wouldn’t want to forget the army.”

“Let it never be said! I grew up in the army. As a kid, they gave me gunpowder instead of baby food!”

Byjove empties the whole LEGO box on the table, which is completely covered with coloured bricks.

“General, what are you doing?”

“Silence Bell! You have been exempted from military service! You should be shot just for that!”

“Toy soldiers, General, toy soldiers, don’t get distracted.” Moore says.

“General, what are you doing?” rebels the President. “This was my dream!”

“Don’t worry, President, I’ll take care of it! Leave it to me! I’ll fix your vision!”

“General, we’re in your hands!” Moore encourages him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll put a platoon here and a battalion over there!”

“What about on the wall, General, not even a soldier on guard duty? I don’t know, maybe a turret?”

“Of course, Moore! Why didn’t I think of that before? Here, lots of nice turrets every 200 yards.”

“Moore,” says Super Dan, “will you stop talking nonsense?”

But the Chief of Staff is determined to blow up the President’s project.

“What about machine guns? General, you don’t want to build turrets without machine guns? You know, if any foreigner tried to invade our country on foot…”

“Machine guns?” jumps Super Dan in the armchair. “What the hell are you guys talking about?”

“Machine guns! Lots of machine guns! And if any of those scumbags dare cross the wall: TA-TA-TA-TA-TA.”

“Machine guns? General…” Bell stutters.

“Silence! Who hasn’t done military service has no right to speak!”

“That’s enough!” cries Blanco, now exhausted. “I think the discussion is degenerating.”

“Degenerate”? I’m just getting started!” chants Byjove.

“Good general, tell her.” Moore says. “What if the invasion was military? Have you thought of that possibility?”

“By a thousand tracks! The heavy artillery! Where is the heavy artillery?”

“That’s enough now!” cries the President. “I want to finish telling you my dream!”

“Who swiped the heavy artillery?” the general yells.

“Would you all calm down, please?” Blanco begs.

“Calm down?” replies Byjove. “We’ve just suffered a military invasion of Mexico!”

“We’ve been invaded?” jumps Bell scared.

“Sure, and because of softlings like you!”

“Me? What have I done?”

“You were born! That’s more than enough!”

Bell hangs up his inhaler.

“My bricks,” swears Super Dan, “give me my bricks back!”

Bell passes out after Byjove screams, Wright helps him with his inhaler.

“General,” says Wright, “will you calm down? Can’t you see that poor Bell is sick?”

“It’s mollusks like him that have brought this country within reach of anyone who wants in. But that’s enough!”

“That’s enough!” cries Super Dan.

“That’s right, that’s enough!” echoes Byjove.

“No, I said that’s enough!” the President says again, exhausted.

“Did you hear that?” continues the general. “That’s enough!”

“That’s enough, I say!” raises his voice unnecessarily Blanco.

“That’s enough she says!” Byjove repeats.

“That’s enough!” rises up Super Dan. “Stop the damn bricks!”

“Did you hear the President? That’s enough! Let’s shoot the invading beggars!”

“Nobody’s shooting anybody here!” Blanco yells out with the remaining voice. “And there’s no military invasion!”

Blanco with his arm sweeps away the map and most of the bricks, making them fall to the ground.

A moment of silence follows, then everyone starts screaming again, the discussion has now degenerated into complete chaos.

This concludes the first board meeting to approve the project for the wall by President Daniel Kramp.

See you next week. Ending theme!

Super Dan
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