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7 Jul

Super Dan: Daniel “Dan” Kramp.

He has just passed the age of 60, but SD is basically an overgrown child. That’s why he’s always smiling and swaggering, always trying to show confidence. When he makes mistakes he tries to hide it, if discovered he denies everything or blames others.

His idol is his colleague and neighbor Donald Trump.

Anger: being bald, sometimes he rips his toupee and throws it at something or someone. Diet: he is in constant struggle with the scales, being a good eater and not practicing sports. He’s superficial, he doesn’t read books, instead he seeks approval on socials, surveys and TV reports. 

Military service

Kramp didn’t participate in the Vietnam War in the 1960s in support of the American allies and has never been part of the military forces in any capacity. In college, from 1964 to 1968, he obtained a deferment of forced enlistment because he was in higher education. In 1966 he was deemed fit for service by the medical commission, with the judgment: “fit for all services”, an evaluation confirmed by a subsequent visit. Later he was inexplicably declared “subject to enlistment only in case of emergency”. He attributed this medical review to the presence of a “rectal loin sciatica”, but actually there has always been a great mystery about the episode.

Studies and career.

His father was a wealthy real estate investor, he ran the company. During his entrepreneurial career he built: office towers, skyscrapers, basements, hotels, sewers, casinos, golf courses and thong factories all over the world. He registered his name and his jaw as trademarks. He has presided over the juries of many beauty contests.

Kramp set his campaign on populist and conservative positions. Once elected president, Kramp established several primates: 

the first president who didn’t serve in the military;

first president with a toupee;

first president to take off his toupee with his hands and throw it at someone or something in anger attacks;

first president who completely ignores the whereabouts of the Big House library;

first president who started a fire in the BH trying to make himself a night snack;

first president to take more than two weeks to learn where his bedroom was.

first president regional champion of the iron launch

In foreign policy he suspended the admission of refugees and made a commitment to his constituents: to build a wall on the Mexican border.

Investments.

His personal fortune was estimated at several billion dollars, he has also invested in sport, buying several football teams in the United States of America, sponsoring cycling races, investing in wrestling, boxing and golf, as well as in the spread of his favorite sport: iron throwing. 

Politics.

Primary elections.Kramp entered the biggest presidential campaign in Mont of Groovia’s history, challenging 16 other Republican candidates, some even in poker and boxing, with 3-round matches.

In the Super Tuesday election, Kramp got the most votes and remained the main presidential contender during the primaries. Two days later, Kramp officially accepted the nomination in a 416-minute speech.

Energy and climate change.

Kramp denies everything: global warming doesn’t exist for him and neither does pollution in cities.

Immigration policies.

Kramp has made a commitment to his constituents: to build a wall on the border with Mexico and the United States to prevent illegal immigrants from crossing it, including those who try to enter Mont of Groovia from the US, promising that they will be paid by the president of the United States of America Mr. Donald Trump. He also promised massive repatriations of all illegal immigrants residing in Mont of Groovia without burdening the public budget, thanks to the train cattle cars.

Social issues

Kramp opposes the legalization of marijuana for fun but supports that for medical reasons. And he, as he’s always said, “He’s very sick…”

Education.

He attended the Thorton School of the University of Jinglevania, but Kramp doesn’t read books, he’s never read books and never will. That’s why he said he wants to abolish the Department of Education.

Economics and Commerce.

Kramp’s campaign tax plan was to level the income tax rate at up to 15%, encouraging investment and thus job growth. And obviously charging him and his companies much less tax…

Next term of office.

Kramp has announced his intention to run for a second term, specifying that he wants to use a luxury car, never on foot.

Super Dan
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